No Offense

Episode 36 – “No Offense”

Get Ready to be Offended

The most offensive CrockCast yet! We cover the familiar Crock phrase “No Offense” in all its wretchedness. Topics include a list of forbidden phrases, sexy mothers, women’s colleges, and HBCUs. We also discuss the true purpose of saying the phrase and, as Britney Spears would say, “It’s NOT that innocent!”

“No Offense” but these Definitions are a Crock

Michael begins the podcast with some crocktacular definitions. Ironically, the crockcasters agree that the traditional definition sources, such as the “dictionary of record” give the WORST definitions. These prissy, conventional interpretations certainly won’t offend anyone but they also clearly aren’t what the phrase means.

Listen to this week’s Episode 36 CrockCast to hear the specifics yourself. It’s much more obvious than you might think!

Sexy Mamas are Mamas Too!

Katherine shares a story about a neighborhood mother offended by a fellow mom’s bikini pic on Instagram. “Can you imagine?” the neighbor said, “And she calls herself a mother!” Katherine’s only reply to this was, “She sounds hot…”

Because what’s wrong with being a hot mama? Apparently it’s quite offensive to emanate sexuality – or even sensuality – while still being a mom. Katherine found several examples of this phenomenon online; including Kelly Oxford, pictured above.

Ms. Oxford, a famous writer, started fires on Insta last year when she posted sexy pics of herself on the same profile that portrays her life as a mother. For some reason, this offended many of her instafans because it contradicted their idea of what a mother looks like.

Hear more about this, as well as more on the whole “mother as an identity” concept, on this week’s “No Offense” CrockCast.

What NOT to Say – a List

We could probably all use a guidebook these days for what’s safe to say. So, Michael gets us started with some basics. He runs through a list from INC Magazine that lays eleven offensive remarks out for us clearly. That way we can stop offending everyone!

However, too bad so sad your CrockCasters STILL continue to revel in offending all with their follow up discussion on the topic. This even includes Katherine’s rampant use of the C-word and other such crock calamities.

SnowFlakes Unite! … Here

She then wraps up the CrockCast with a much-warranted journey into acceptance. Switching gears, Katherine makes an argument to just allow our young people their snowflake years. Specifically, she suggests we grant them snowflake “college years” meaning ages 18-22. Let’s just give these kids a break! We can simply wrap them in bubble wrap to ship ’em off. Easy peasy.

Seriously though, this is the time for that kind of safe learning environment. After all, early adulthood years are about finding our purpose. What do we want to make our lives all about? This makes it a perfect time to study in a specialized place.

Did you know that even though overall college applications and enrollment are down nationwide, they are steadily increasing now at women’s and historically black colleges and universities? Having attended a women’s college herself, Katherine thinks there’s a good reason for this.

Namely, people now realize what’s great about these special advanced education institutions. Listen to Episode 36 of Such a Crock to hear the whole story.

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aging

Episode 35 – Aging

 

As a result of a surreal experience at the airport, Katherine magnanimously allows Michael to switch the topic at the last minute – to aging.

The Hallmarks of Aging and Cognitive Decline

Michael starts out our podcast with a list of the hallmarks of aging. You know, stuff like your eye lenses hardening (so you can benefit from reading glasses), declines in fertility or muscle mass… or cognitive decline that begins in your twenties!

Your twenties? Seeing that his brain is quite important to him (and he is decades out of his twenties), Michael looked up an article on Everyday Health on 10 ways to combat cognitive decline. Some seem effective; others a crock.

  1. Physical Activity – Luckily, both our hosts keep active (so presumably they can keep bringing you Such a Crock for the foreseeable)
  2. Education / “hitting the books” – We’re both avid readers, but Michael also suggests taking online courses, and even aspires to get “a whole other undergraduate degree” by stringing extra classes together
  3. Smoking – Quit!
  4. Cardiovascular Health – Kind of a crock; what does this even mean?
  5. Avoiding Head Injuries – Like wearing a bike helmet or strapping in your seatbelt
  6. Eating Well – Michael thinks this is a crock. Whatever fruits.
  7. Getting Enough Sleep
  8. Mental Health – Depression and declines in cognitive health seem related, so taking care of your mental health might safeguard the other
  9. Social Stuff – Buddy lunches, being part of the community, and so on
  10. Stumping Yourself – Katherine pokes fun at Michael for his devotion to Tetris, but she herself does all kinds of wooden puzzles, like this:

Late Bloomers

Yes, some aspects of aging are inevitable; but all the stories we tell about them — and what people can do with their lives (especially later in life) — are a crock.

Katherine focused on “late bloomers” … Specifically women who did amazing things with themselves and their careers later in life. Women like…

  • Leslie Jones – At 47, Leslie Jones was the oldest person ever to join the cast of Saturday Night Live as a featured performer. Jones joining also marked the first time two black women were on the show at the same time! Oh, and her Olympics coverage…
  • Laura Ingles-Wilder – The author of Little House on the Prairie started writing the story of her life at age 43. Ingles-Wilder wrote and re-wrote for 20 years before finding a publisher. The last volume wasn’t published until she was 76.
  • Gladys Burrill – It took her almost 10 hours, but Gladys completed the Honlulu Marathon at 92! She is the world record holder, certified by Guinness.
  • Grandma Moses – The celebrated American folk artist didn’t even start painting until she was in her 70s.
  • And more! Helen Mirren, Martha Stewart, J.K. Rowling, and Roseanne Barr all bloomed late. Katherine rejects Michael’s suggestion of (beloved) Sheryl Crow.

NBA All-Star Steve Nash

In honor of NBA All-Star weekend, Michael tells the story of legendary point guard Steve Nash.

In his 20s, Nash was a very good NBA Guard for the Dallas Mavericks, picking up a couple of All-Star appearances. But when he turned 30, the Mavericks let him go; not matching the offer made to him by the Phoenix Suns.

Nash did something very rare for an already good NBA player… He catapulted to a completely different level of excellence in his 30s. Nash earned multiple All-NBA First Team selections, a ton of additional All-Star appearances, but most impressively two — count ’em two — stints as the NBA MVP.

Did the Mavericks do the right thing, statistically? It would have been difficult to predict Nash’s MVP seasons. Nash also joined the “50-40-90” club as its most impressive member. There are only seven players — total — in the history of the NBA who have shot 50% from the field, 40% from three, and 90% from the free throw line. Only one other player (Larry Bird of the Boston Celtics) has done it twice.

Nash did it four times; all over the age of 30; all in Phoenix.

Valentine’s Day and the Man Crate

This has nothing to do with aging, but we finish off with an adventure into Michael’s Valentine’s Day gift, the Man Crate and sampling many of its exotic meats.

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You’ve got a Dad, a lover, a buddy, a bro. We all do. Are they impossible when it comes to gifts? ManCrates makes the impossible man easy peasy for gifts and SO happy too! Mancrates come in a wooden crate they must open with a crowbar. Like a MAN! It’s tough to open so their blood’s pumping and muscles are tensing. Guys are so much hotter workin that crowbar! Best of all, you can fill the crate with cool manly options from whiskey magic and knife-making kits to my chosen one – Exotic Meats. Take your man on a macho adventure and have a blast watchin him open it! #ladykflo #mancrates #valentinesday #gifts #giftsforaman #valentines #manlyman #macho #meats #meat #strength #challenge #presents #holidaygift #giftfordad #giftforhusband #giftforguy #boyfriendgift #guygift #bestmangift #bestoftheday

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Episode 34 – Childproofing

CrockCast covers Childproofing this week with What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, car seats, vaccination conspiracies, anti-natalism, and baby gates.

BabyProofing Basics

Do they have to be this complex? Two cupholders?

Childproofing is more about parental issues than actual child safety in many instances. In fact, when you look at statistics for car seats and baby gates, as Katherine did in this week’s CrockCast, you find parents sometimes make matters worse. That’s because of factors like improper use. Click the link to see a study about these frightening statistics.

Basically, car seats only work to help save your child is they’re used properly and not enough parents take the necessary precautions to do so. Check out the NY Times article linked here to find out how easy it is to be one of THOSE parents. It happens with baby gates too. Listen to Episode 34 of the CrockCast to hear all about it and learn ways to make a baby gate work better for you. Or maybe you’ll just decide childproofing is a crock… Lucky for you, this podcast already did some preliminary legwork to help you decide.

Anti-Vaxers = Childproof Corollary

Some anti-vaxers call the CDC a “conspiracy”

Next Michael explores yet another case of how overprotecting children can actually harm them. In fact, when it comes to vaccinations, the ignorance of anti-vaxers can actually harm others as well. That’s never been more apparent than now. There are outbreaks of measles in the news with fifty reported cases in Washington state for early 2019.

On the bright side, the relative impact has resulted in more people getting vaccinated. For instance, 2018 started off the month of January with 530 people in the Washington state area getting immunized. But the number for January 2019 exceeds 3,000. In other words, the very impulse that led anti-vaxers to avoid immunizing their children – fear of physical harm – also compelled them to vaccinate. Alanis Morrisette might call this phenomenon ironic but here at CrockCast we’re just glad they’re coming to their senses.

You Can’t Childproof Life

Next the CrockCast harkens back to the 90s and indie movie What’s Eating Gilbert Grape starring Johnny Depp, a little-known actor named Leonardo Dicaprio, and Juliette Lewis in a pixie cut. It’s not a traditional tale in any way and that includes filing it under the theme of “childproofing” but still fits perfectly into this podcast. That’s because essentially this is a movie about how you can’t childproof real life.

Dicaprio’s character is the infinite child. He’s so severely mentally challenged that it’s unlikely he’ll ever actually learn any life lessons. That makes his character an infinite toddler. If you show him his towel and robe then leave him in a bathtub, he’ll stay in that bathtub until you come back to get him out. Even if twelve hours go by, night falls, the bath turns ice cold, and you’ve still not returned.

In this way the movie resonates how crucial learning is to truly living. This is how we grow up. Everyone has experienced that first chill of a bath turned cold and the discomfort teaches us when it’s time to get out. That’s why we don’t get hypothermic – we’ve learned. If someone’s always childproofing our lives for us so that we never learn, are we truly living? Leo’s bath is just one example of how this movie explores the theme.

Is the Answer no Kids?

From Raphael Samuel’s Facebook page

Anti-natalist Raphael Samuel would shout a resounding “Yes!” to answer this question. He thinks every problem he has originated with the fact that he was born against his will. Thus, Michael wraps up the CrockCast with a new anti-natalist in the news. This one is suing his lawyer parents for having the gall to bring him into this world. How dare they?!

No really. He believes this and the lawsuit is seemingly legit. Many think he’s just trying to get attention, including his parents. It also seems plausible from the nature of his Facebook page on the topic. Check it out to decide for yourself.

Our CrockCasters were too busy laughing and joking about the whole idea to take Mr. Samuels too seriously. We’ll all have to wait and see what the court systems decide if they are even willing to take the case after all this vapid publicity.

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Episode 33 – The Frontman

The Frontman role isn’t just a Crock – it’s a trap! This CrockCast explores timely topics like: blackface at a Virginia school, Freddie Mercury, and Jeff Bezos.

Virginia is for Lovers – Not Haters

Picture courtesy of wamu.org

This week’s CrockCast is unlike any other. It’s the most of-the-moment for topics as well as the most contemplative. In fact, Katherine delves all the way back to her days of yore – freshman year of college to be precise. She went to school in Virginia and had her very own experience with going to a party with attendees in blackface.

What’s this got to do with The Frontman? Everything. When we’re 18 years old many of us put our peers up on a pedestal. We let them represent us, or at the very least our “group of friends”. But part of growing up is learning to be your own frontman. That’s because letting some seemingly more adept peer represent you is a crock. Represent yourself. Nobody does it better.

Top Ten Frontmen – Rolling Stone

The Beatles’ last live concert in 1969 – Picture thanks to COS – consequenceofsound.net

Unsurprisingly, Michael gets literal about The Frontman and engages a hearty debate about a Top 10 List of Frontmen from RollingStone. Although Michael finds the list a complete crock, Katherine thinks it’s perfect. The only part she doesn’t like is John Lennon on the list. Both Crockcasters agree that The Beatles have two frontmen. Look at these two pics. They stood next to each other for a reason – because they shared the leadership position. In fact, McCartney and Lennon made a point of sharing songwriting credit even though they wrote songs separately.

Sharing Leadership from day one. Photo care of – www.contessagallery.com

Michael goes on to deconstruct the Top 10 list with varying complaints. At the same time, Katherine counterpoints and questions his definitions for “Frontman”. In the end, this turns out to be the silly section of this week’s podcast. Give it a listen and hear the frivolity for yourself.

Freddie Mercury – Lonely Frontman

Photo Credit: bbc.co.uk

The new movie Bohemian Rhapsody may not be historically accurate in all things but it’s a perfect portrait of loneliness. That’s why it’s a wonderful example of how The Frontman is a crock. It’s hard to think of a more iconic frontman than Mercury. He cast a spell upon crowds and whipped them into plumes of ecstasy, pounding feet, clapping, and singing along. Freddie could move them with a throwaway line and flick of the wrist. He held them in awe with his rapturous voice.

But as we learn in the emotionally resonant movie, Freddie was a lonely man and not particularly in touch with himself. While standing strong and representing one of the most powerful and successful bands as a figurehead of many years; he wondered who he was. The CrockCast examines this paradox and, frankly, gets a little deep this week. Can you handle the truth? Cause the crockcasters deliver some real talk. Sound impossible? Give it a listen and see for yourself.

No Icon is an Island

Nobody really knows how Bezos became one of the richest men in the world. But one thing’s for sure, he probably didn’t do it alone. In other words, The Myth of the Lone Genius Founder is correct. No one gets that level of success without some help. It’s a sure bet there’s more to the story than a simpleton would say. Who are the crockcasters calling out as simple? Well, the myth of the Iconic Male Figurehead didn’t write itself… In other words, the whole concept of a Frontman is a crock! Listen to this week’s Episode – 33 and learn more about these modern tech billionaire myths.

Michael wraps up the podcast with a journey to Amazon island, where the news is yapping about Bezos every minute but nobody knows what they’re talking about. It’s funny how people think they know anything about a marriage or even how a couple can become one of the richest in the world. We don’t really know. Only the Bezos marriage knows what truly happened there. But one thing you can find out for certain, how this podcast ends and the Tweets of the week. Just listen on your podcast app or click below.

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